99 things only I care about:
1. Since technically this first entry is about the list itself, there will be only 98 things about me on the list.
2. I do not like people who over-use the words “I”, “me” and “my”… but for the purpose of this list “I” will make an exception.
3. My typing is very slow… by the time I finish this list… every thing on it will no longer apply.
4. I never conform when I’m supposed to… I wait and do it much later when no one is expecting me to.
5. I got my left ear pierced at 18 and have accumulated 5 other piercings since.
6. I am the most interesting person I know. This may or may not be a good thing.
7. I am not a nerd or computer geek… So don’t call me that.
8. I do not own an MP3 player, or IPOD or whatever they are.
9. I am not a “pretty-boy” and that does not bother me.
10. I have never met my biological father.
11. I have no use for “organized” sports.
12. I am an overly sexual person… more than ten other individuals will corroborate this.
13. I am sexually uninhibited.
14. I do not prefer quickie sex.
15. I do not have a “type.”
16. I have dated three consecutive gymnastics instructors… They could not keep up.
17. I prefer to date women who are bi-sexual… I find they are less inhibited in their sexuality in general.
18. I have seriously injured myself while having sex… more than once.
19. I love porn.
20. I willingly support Strippers through their college careers.
21. I am extremely good in bed…
22. I state only facts… Often, people mistake this for tactlessness, insensitivity or bragging.
23. I do not lie.
24. Okay… I lied about that, I meant…
25. If I cannot answer a question truthfully I will not.
26. Or I’ll give an option… “Do you want the truth or a lie?”… Depending on the situation.
27. I refuse to analyze this part of me.
28. I am secretly married to my Jeep and wave-runner (don’t tell…)
29. I don’t litter, and people who do… have my utter disrespect.
30. I absolutely do not care what anyone thinks of me… unless she’s cute.
31. I do not subscribe to the theory of ‘profane language’ or ‘taboo subjects.’
32. I could flirt professionally if it were a career option… and make a good living.
33. At a formal party, I got a girl to flash me while her date was in the bathroom.
34. A few minutes later I got her mother to flash me as well.
35. Her mom had nicer boobs, she agreed with me.
36. I have no phobias (except Phobaphobia – fear of phobias)
37. I will… and have eaten almost everything edible including; alligator, bear, reindeer, snake and live octopi.
38. I do not eat Veal… on principle.
39. Sushi is my favorite food. Nigiri is my preference.
40. I love doing laundry (this is not a joke.)
41. I love cooking… especially for someone else.
42. I love sewing… especially costumes.
43. I love interior decorating.
44. I am well groomed and in touch with my feminine side.
45. I am not gay… I swear.
46. I often spend more than three consecutive hours grocery shopping.
47. I have been to a supermarket in a mini-dress.
48. I cannot walk past cheesecake, Cheetos or french-fries.
49. Although I smoke, drink, rarely exercise or get enough sleep… I can run 10 consecutive 6-minute miles on a whim.
50. I love all Cheeses equally.
51. I maintain total control of my Body Mass Index.
52. I have sutured myself on several occasions.
53. Whiney, finicky or picky people irritate me… so suck it up bitch!
54. Neurotic people get on my nerves… I did not like “Seinfeld.”
55. Self-obsessed people too… I do not like “Sex and the city.”
56. I am compulsive about light switches, closing doors, and straightening crooked towels.
57. It does not bother me if other people are not.
58. I can fix, build or install anything within reason… with no prior experience.
59. I have an aversion to body hair… in general.
60. Smoking weed makes me vomit.
61. I have not had sex with a prostitute… yet.
62. I love animals (no… not in ‘that’ way)… I do not love pets.
63. In the last fifteen years, I have owned 28 automobiles… none new.
64. I have driven into 3 automobile accidents… been a passenger in 14.
65. I cannot speak any foreign languages… I have tried… I just can’t.
66. I once slept on the floor for 3 consecutive years.
67. My favorite color is black… no, green… no, blue… no, grey…
68. I have 14 tattoos… none in color.
69. I have had a hangover for more than 48 hours.
70. I have worked 56 straight hours without food, water or sex because my job required it. I am not a workaholic.
71. I sleep on my back with my arms over my head.
72. I cannot switch off, fall asleep during, or walk out of a movie of my own free will until it is over.
73. I usually read several books at a time and do not finish some.
74. I am beginning to realize that I’m kind of weird.
75. No houseplant has ever survived my gross neglect.
76. I have lacerated people to their souls with words alone.
77. I have been involved in more ‘street altercations’ than I can count.
78. I’m not really proud of the last three.
79. Locking my keys in my car is something I do regularly.
80. I appreciate sarcasm, puns, irony and innuendo… when it’s done well.
81. I’m a wicked deadly shot with several different handguns… I do not hunt.
82. I have tended bar “on and off” since I became of legal age.
83. I do not wear underwear.
84. On a girlfriend’s request, I have tended bar wearing her thong underwear (… red and yellow flames.)
85. I have been told that I should have been a professional masseuse.
86. I have also been told that I should have been a professional ‘asshole.’
87. I sing very well… but rarely in public.
88. Sometimes I hear voices in my head… but they mostly sing too.
89. I chair-dance in my car at stoplights.
90. I only wear only black athletic socks… I always have over 50 pairs.
91. I have not worn a watch in over 10 years.
92. I do not wear jewelry, unless it is stainless steel… and penetrates my body.
93. I have a photographic memory… but have mostly killed it with alcohol.
94. I do not celebrate my birthday… or usually even remember it.
95. I have traveled extensively..
96. I do not cheat.
97. I can create beautiful drawings or sculptures… but not in color.
98. I have no prejudices. Seriously.
99. I am really good in bed…
2. I do not like people who over-use the words “I”, “me” and “my”… but for the purpose of this list “I” will make an exception.
3. My typing is very slow… by the time I finish this list… every thing on it will no longer apply.
4. I never conform when I’m supposed to… I wait and do it much later when no one is expecting me to.
5. I got my left ear pierced at 18 and have accumulated 5 other piercings since.
6. I am the most interesting person I know. This may or may not be a good thing.
7. I am not a nerd or computer geek… So don’t call me that.
8. I do not own an MP3 player, or IPOD or whatever they are.
9. I am not a “pretty-boy” and that does not bother me.
10. I have never met my biological father.
11. I have no use for “organized” sports.
12. I am an overly sexual person… more than ten other individuals will corroborate this.
13. I am sexually uninhibited.
14. I do not prefer quickie sex.
15. I do not have a “type.”
16. I have dated three consecutive gymnastics instructors… They could not keep up.
17. I prefer to date women who are bi-sexual… I find they are less inhibited in their sexuality in general.
18. I have seriously injured myself while having sex… more than once.
19. I love porn.
20. I willingly support Strippers through their college careers.
21. I am extremely good in bed…
22. I state only facts… Often, people mistake this for tactlessness, insensitivity or bragging.
23. I do not lie.
24. Okay… I lied about that, I meant…
25. If I cannot answer a question truthfully I will not.
26. Or I’ll give an option… “Do you want the truth or a lie?”… Depending on the situation.
27. I refuse to analyze this part of me.
28. I am secretly married to my Jeep and wave-runner (don’t tell…)
29. I don’t litter, and people who do… have my utter disrespect.
30. I absolutely do not care what anyone thinks of me… unless she’s cute.
31. I do not subscribe to the theory of ‘profane language’ or ‘taboo subjects.’
32. I could flirt professionally if it were a career option… and make a good living.
33. At a formal party, I got a girl to flash me while her date was in the bathroom.
34. A few minutes later I got her mother to flash me as well.
35. Her mom had nicer boobs, she agreed with me.
36. I have no phobias (except Phobaphobia – fear of phobias)
37. I will… and have eaten almost everything edible including; alligator, bear, reindeer, snake and live octopi.
38. I do not eat Veal… on principle.
39. Sushi is my favorite food. Nigiri is my preference.
40. I love doing laundry (this is not a joke.)
41. I love cooking… especially for someone else.
42. I love sewing… especially costumes.
43. I love interior decorating.
44. I am well groomed and in touch with my feminine side.
45. I am not gay… I swear.
46. I often spend more than three consecutive hours grocery shopping.
47. I have been to a supermarket in a mini-dress.
48. I cannot walk past cheesecake, Cheetos or french-fries.
49. Although I smoke, drink, rarely exercise or get enough sleep… I can run 10 consecutive 6-minute miles on a whim.
50. I love all Cheeses equally.
51. I maintain total control of my Body Mass Index.
52. I have sutured myself on several occasions.
53. Whiney, finicky or picky people irritate me… so suck it up bitch!
54. Neurotic people get on my nerves… I did not like “Seinfeld.”
55. Self-obsessed people too… I do not like “Sex and the city.”
56. I am compulsive about light switches, closing doors, and straightening crooked towels.
57. It does not bother me if other people are not.
58. I can fix, build or install anything within reason… with no prior experience.
59. I have an aversion to body hair… in general.
60. Smoking weed makes me vomit.
61. I have not had sex with a prostitute… yet.
62. I love animals (no… not in ‘that’ way)… I do not love pets.
63. In the last fifteen years, I have owned 28 automobiles… none new.
64. I have driven into 3 automobile accidents… been a passenger in 14.
65. I cannot speak any foreign languages… I have tried… I just can’t.
66. I once slept on the floor for 3 consecutive years.
67. My favorite color is black… no, green… no, blue… no, grey…
68. I have 14 tattoos… none in color.
69. I have had a hangover for more than 48 hours.
70. I have worked 56 straight hours without food, water or sex because my job required it. I am not a workaholic.
71. I sleep on my back with my arms over my head.
72. I cannot switch off, fall asleep during, or walk out of a movie of my own free will until it is over.
73. I usually read several books at a time and do not finish some.
74. I am beginning to realize that I’m kind of weird.
75. No houseplant has ever survived my gross neglect.
76. I have lacerated people to their souls with words alone.
77. I have been involved in more ‘street altercations’ than I can count.
78. I’m not really proud of the last three.
79. Locking my keys in my car is something I do regularly.
80. I appreciate sarcasm, puns, irony and innuendo… when it’s done well.
81. I’m a wicked deadly shot with several different handguns… I do not hunt.
82. I have tended bar “on and off” since I became of legal age.
83. I do not wear underwear.
84. On a girlfriend’s request, I have tended bar wearing her thong underwear (… red and yellow flames.)
85. I have been told that I should have been a professional masseuse.
86. I have also been told that I should have been a professional ‘asshole.’
87. I sing very well… but rarely in public.
88. Sometimes I hear voices in my head… but they mostly sing too.
89. I chair-dance in my car at stoplights.
90. I only wear only black athletic socks… I always have over 50 pairs.
91. I have not worn a watch in over 10 years.
92. I do not wear jewelry, unless it is stainless steel… and penetrates my body.
93. I have a photographic memory… but have mostly killed it with alcohol.
94. I do not celebrate my birthday… or usually even remember it.
95. I have traveled extensively..
96. I do not cheat.
97. I can create beautiful drawings or sculptures… but not in color.
98. I have no prejudices. Seriously.
99. I am really good in bed…
Chisel'd in stone by: Trouble circa 17:02
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